by Carla Sanders
What’s on your mind today, always on top when I open Facebook…So today I will share What Is On My Mind: FAITH
Today June 18, 2018 marks 10 months that the most horrific thing in ones life could happen, happened to us & our life was changed forever. It has been hard to get up everyday & do the things we have to do. I can not express in words the pain because it is so deep & horrific that there just aren’t words for it.
This post is about Faith and what it is “Faith”: it is the assurance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. A belief in something that you know in your heart to be true but can not see or touch it…….Our faith had been rocked to its core.
My faith had always gotten me through some of the hardest things in life & never did I question it, but these last 10 months my faith was fading and especially these last couple weeks. I was sinking into a dark hole, tears just never ending, not sleeping. Asking God, Why? It was and is all a part of God’s plan and as much as I hate it I know it is not for us to question.
I truly now know that these past couple of weeks have been so unbearable, more than past weeks, because I am remembering the last 3 months before that day. I was off work on FMLA, I am just now realizing that, that was a Gift to me from God. I was always working, leaving before the kids got home from school & coming home going to bed before they got up in the morning.. He gave me those last 3 beautiful months to make fresh new memories that will help get me through this….He knew how hard this was going to be. In all this grief it is sometimes hard to see blessings, but trust me they are there.
This past Thursday an unexpected storm was rolling through. I took my phone & started taking pictures of the clouds going by ( I do that a lot, take pictures of the sky, but don’t really look at them after that.) About midnight I am trying to sleep and still not able to, all I can do is cry. So I look at my pictures & There it was…..My Faith restored, crying, oh crying hard but this time Tears of Joy….
My Patrick, right there front & center, I couldn’t believe it but he made sure I saw him… He was surrounded by others I think to let me know that my eyes were not playing tricks on me. To show me he is here watching over us, walking beside us. He didn’t leave us, all our loved ones are here walking with us.
He sent a song to me, apparently its not a new one but he knew I loved music and would always tell him that there is always a song out there for every emotion I had and how music helped me through a lot so I feel the 20 secs I actually heard this tune that night was from him, so I looked it up not knowing the name of it, just knew a few lines of the lyrics. I found it & download it & yes it feels like him talking to me. Telling me that my Journey is not yet over but he is here with me & will be there when I get to the other side.
If we had a chance to relive the last 18 yrs knowing what was to come we would gladly do it again without question. The memories we have are worth any amount of pain. Patrick is Amazing & he made sure we didn’t lose our Faith… We were truly blessed….