I’m leaving you here. For one night I want to forget. And maybe smile.
Grief: You can’t leave me behind.
I’m tired. You are heavy. Sometimes you are just too much to bear.
Grief: I am a part of you now.
I can shut the door. Forget you for a few hours.
Grief: That is not how this works. I will always catch up to you.
Why are you doing this to me? It’s not fair. You are much too dark to take everywhere I go.
Grief: Maybe we need another way to think about this.
How would there be any other way?
Grief: Well..for starters, I am only here because of love.
No. You are here because my loved one died.
Grief: But you still feel love.
Always.
Grief: You just renamed me. That is why I am here. I am Love always. You can’t just leave me. I’m a part of you.
But it hurts so much. No more phone calls. Hugs… Plans. Empty chairs. Holidays… I can’t take this pain.
Grief: Running from me only makes it harder for you. Sit with me. I am only the love you still have to give. So feel it. Give some of it to yourself. Carry me with you. Picture me as only love and light.
So why have I been so afraid of you?
Grief: Because reality is hard to accept. This is the hardest thing to do. It takes time to get used to me. But I am here to help you remember.
I just want to be over this.
Grief: The pain you feel when a memory crosses your mind will someday make you smile. It’s because the longer you carry me with you…the wonderful memories will stay with you too.
So instead of carrying grief…I can think of it as carrying my love?
Grief: light a candle within me. Love isn’t dark. I’m only light. I remain because all your love your person still remains in you. I am love you wish to still give. I cannot be left behind. I carry on with you until the day you reunite.
So hold that light in your hand. And carry that love with you. To the very last of days.
478 
