Grief is …..

The many faces of Grief according to the members of Esther’s Rainbow ? Spiritual Community  : 

 

“Locking your keys in the house or car for the millionth time.”

“Explaining to your living children that mommy sometimes kisses inanimate objects, because they remind her of their brother, who she misses so much.”

“Forgetting to return phone calls.”

“Wanting to reach out, but not knowing what to say, and not wanting to be a burden.”

“Unpredictable …..”

“When your used to look people in the eye when talking and now you avoid eye contact so people can’t tell your lying when you say your fine.”

“Suffocating. Like the air has suddenly been sucked out of the room.”

“When you avoid phone calls from family and friends because as much add you would want to talk with them you know they know you and at the same time they don’t… and deep down you don’t care… because even if you wanted to you can’t.”

“Lonely”

“Grief has so many terrible layers. One of the worst is constantly feeling alone in it. Your personal relationship with your loved ones lost, how they were lost, and how each individual cope and processes, makes each and every trek though this dark forest unique. All who have suffered loss travel through this forest, but none walk the same path. Though there are times our paths may cross, as together we scream those silent screams, or wear those painted smiles, it is, ultimately, a journey you take alone. Hoping that, one day, you will reach the other side.”

“Living in a deep grey fog.”

“An ache you can’t ease.”

” An endless longing “

“Forgetting things, grey hairs, triggers, crying, mood swings, the missing, and the love. The what ifs are consuming. Why and it never being able to be answered.”

“Trying to be the peaceful rock for your remaining kids while inwardly barely treading water yourself.”

“Wanting to live on a deserted island so you don’t have to fake it all the time.”

“Anxiety , guilt when I laugh or smile. Not wanting to leave the house, lack of motivation.” 

“The ultimate pain for deep love of your child”

“Debilitating.”

“Anxiety.”

“No motivation to do anything. Poor self care. Anxiety and flashbacks (PTSD). Lonely even with others around. Racing thoughts. Sleepless nights. Questioning why without an answer to ever come. Missing my boy and many tears that come. Waves of grief are endless. Just a pure longing for what you know you can’t have and that is for your child to be with you physically, for things to be how they were before. Wishing it wasn’t like Groundhog Day everyday.”

“The price of love. A love that was so pure and unconditional. And so briefly tangible…”

“Drifting through a new life of sadness.”

“Red puffy eyes, sleepless nights and an emptiness inside that will always be there no matter what.”

“Hole in me.”

“I stopped getting out of bed literally only to go to the bathroom and get a drink. For months I’m also on depressant meds not sure if it’s meds or my new life I have no strength or desire to do anything else.”

“Flashbacks and severe anxiety.”

“A thin veneer of what passes for normal covering the constant threat of falling apart.”

“grief is after a few months of losing someone you truly love you really lose yourself for awhile and has your family think somethings wrong with you. you get paranoid,think weird things,think something else bad is gonna happen,freak out and think that something will happen. worry that somethings gonna happen to to your loved ones”

“Unbearable pain and heartaches.”

“grief =the month of october-breast cancer month = 10-10-13 the day my grandma passed away from breast cancer at the age of 92 about 6months after she had found out. Also = 10-19-17 the day my grandson passed away at 5months old born with HLHS, a day before my husbands birthday”

“Being ok one minute and a ball on the floor the next. Trying to remind myself to just breathe or laughing so hard I can’t catch my breath and then I start to cry because Alex would have found it funny too. Wrapping myself up in his blanket I made him just to smell him again. Alone in the car just screaming because I miss him so much there is no way to describe. Laying on his grave for hours listening to his music and sobbing until I can’t cry anymore. It’s putting on a mask every single day and hoping that no one touches the fragility that envelopes me so I can make it day by day. Some days it’s praying I make him proud, others it’s begging God to take me instead. Each of us has the same unspeakable pain, we just have different ways of coping. My prayer is that anyone who comes here finds some solace some way and know that you are not alone. ❤️”

“Being sad, even when you’re happy.”

“Being so proud of all the things your living children do/accomplish, all while secretly hurting and thinking of what might have been.”

“Constantly missing my son that it consumes me.”

“A daily drip feed of misery.”

“Disintegrating heart.”

“A painful longing.”

“An emptiness.”

“An emotional roller-coaster. I feel separate from people who haven’t experienced such tragedies because its changed my outlook on life and the way I deal with things and people now. I can be OK one minute and bawling the next….its the hardest thing I have ever done, is to go on living when inside I feel like I am dying.”

” Emptiness and all the above.”

“Feeling like your crazy because reality isn’t your reality any more…”

“A constant fear that the worst that can happen will happen because it happened once it can happen again.”

“Consuming.”

“A life sentence. Of ALL the layers.”

“My grief is a deep, vast, ocean of inky, electric darkness. Simultaneously drowning me and sending volts of pain through my soul.”

“My biggest thing about grief is how religion has really messed me up.”