INFJ and Grief

About a month ago I took the Myers’s-Brigg test and found out that I am an INFJ, introverted, intuitive, feeler and judging. We are a minority within the 16 personality types, with less than 2% of the total population. Intuitive is less widespread than sensing, about 20 vs. 80% I think, which is probably why we are a minority.

The functions of INFJ are:

  • Primary: Introverted Intuition
  • Auxiliary: Extroverted Feeling
  • Tertiary: Introverted Thinking
  • Inferior: Extroverted Sensing

As INFJ we recharge our energy when we are alone rather than surrounded by people, and this is because we are introverted, reflective and have a rich inner world. We are deeply intuitive, and often can see things that nobody else can, simply relying on our intuition. Our auxiliary function makes us care deeply about other people, we pursue peace, hate confrontation and want to make other people feel happy, helping them as much as we can. We seek approval from others and don’t take criticism well. We are compassionate and caring and we tend to have a structured and organised approach to life. We tend to have a strong sense of purpose and are motivated by a desire to make a positive impact on the world.

With respect to our response to grief, most of INFJ have a strong sense of spirituality or inner faith. When faced with grief, INFJ tend to isolate themselves from others, seeking solitude and time alone. We need this in order to process our feelings. It is fairly normal for an INFJ faced with loss to find comfort in spirituality and religion, giving meaning and purpose to our loss. Spirituality and religion also give us a sense of belonging, of community and we can form miningful connections with others.

After my daughter passed away, it was completely natural for me turning to the spiritual world, to try to understand life and death. I also foud comfort in linking with other bereaved parents, who felt the same way, who like me were looking for answers. That is why I started this website and the Facebook group first. I could not understand how some people could have no faith at all and believe that it is all here and now.

Discovering more about my personality type over 6 years after the loss of my precious daughter is helping me to understand that everybody is different and behaves very differently, depending on their nature and preferences. We seek different things and find happiness and purpose in different ways, and that is what makes life interesting and varied.


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