“Why? How can this be?” I will hear a bereaved parent ask me during a mediumship reading. Being a mother myself, I choke back the tears as I say with truth, humility, and compassion “I wish I could tell you exactly why” as I connect with them to bring forward information from the Spirit World about their beloved child in spirit that only they would truly know; information that, with any hope, will give them the absolute knowledge that their children continue to live on in this other world that, when in the depths of grief, feels so tremendously out of reach. I have been a medium all of my life – and likely for a number of lives before this one. Being a medium means that one of my abilities in life is to connect with spirit, and mediums do this because we want to help people in this physical world know that our lives do not begin or end with earthly birth and death. There simply is no death. There is no end. There are merely transitions, and we have all gone through both these processes many times throughout our incarnations.
I call the Spirit World “Home” because that is exactly what it is. It is where we originate, where we dwell, and where we will return when the time has come for us to let go of this earthly body. Before we incarnate, we have much work to do in preparing our “charts”. These charts will be carefully detailed regarding specific circumstances we plan to endure during our next life here, and all with the intention of experiencing situations that will help us to learn what we call “life lessons”. Not everything is decided in our charts, however, as we certainly have free will, but there are a number of circumstances that, once decided upon with all involved, will happen in order to ensure that everyone who is incarnating within that ‘soul family’ as some call them will be given the opportunity to learn the lessons they are focusing this next life on.
And it happens, from one life to another, that a beautiful, brave spirit will volunteer for one of the most difficult tasks – to incarnate for a brief time in order to provide their earthly parents and loved ones with the opportunity to learn specific lessons that would not be possible to learn without this situation. It is not easy for anyone to accept such a role, knowing what their loved ones will eventually have to endure, but in Spirit we look at things from a much larger perspective – our lives here are temporary, very short, and while it can be difficult to explain, our loved ones in Spirit know that what we endure while incarnated is always designed to help us progress, grow, and achieve higher levels of understanding, bringing us closer to who we truly are.
Of course, the idea that enduring this most immense form of grief is all for the possibility of learning a “lesson” is of little comfort to anyone who is currently facing this loss. And I wish I could tell you exactly why you had decided that it was necessary for your growth. During many readings it has been revealed that the sitter (the person receiving the reading) had been in that same position in a previous lifetime, and it was now their turn to experience such a physical world loss in order to continue their own progression towards healing, forgiveness, acceptance, patience, and faith.
It takes a brave soul to volunteer for this role in your life. And if you are a bereaved parent, please remember that they chose this role not to punish you but because they love you enough to give you what you needed in order to learn the lessons. You cannot punish yourself for not being able to prevent something that was entirely beyond your control. You cannot carry the burden of guilt for what you had agreed to long before you were born. If you are here in this moment, it is because you are meant to be… and as impossible as it may feel right now, be mindful of honouring the beautiful spirit who took on this difficult role all because they love you and want to help you along on your journey by choosing to work towards healing.
Healing does not mean that things will go back to ‘normal’. It does not mean forgetting, or leaving them behind. They have gone on before you and are watching, supporting, loving, and guiding you from the place you will reunite when the time is right. When you find yourself wanting to say “they should be here to do this” or “It’s not fair their life was so short” please remember that we do not only have one chance at life – and that there will be many opportunities to plan other lives together. This was not your first life with them, nor will it be your last.
Every situation is different and not all can be written about in generalities – and this is why I highly recommend booking a reading with a reputable medium, at least 6 months after any significant loss. Do not go in search of receiving reading after reading; you should receive no more than 2-3 readings per year, at least 4-6 months apart. Often parents want to know everything about their child’s transition, especially if they were not there, and your loved ones in spirit will continuously remind you that they are not defined by their ‘death’. There is no death. Your beloved children in spirit – no matter what earthly age they were when they went Home, will always bring forward encouraging, loving, healing messages as they know you are stronger than you believe, and that they will be with you every step of the way on your unique journey. Above all, they come through with messages that reinforce that you are not enduring their loss due to ‘karma’ or because you did anything ‘wrong’. No situation as it occurs that brings such overwhelming grief is looked at as an opportunity to learn, but please know that everything you are going through is not without its purpose – and you will always have the love, motivation, and guidance from spirit to help you every step of the way.
Medium Michelle Stokotenly volunteers supporting parents in Esther’s Rainbow Facebook Group. She offers spiritual counselling and healing as well as private readings to those who request it. Michelle was born into a family that has many strong clairvoyant mediums, and is at least a 3rd generation medium. She was aware of her abilities from a young age, as she constantly felt drawn to helping people through their most difficult times, and seemed to have the words flowing through her to help those who requested guidance.
To find more about Michelle you can visit her website: